:D

Ehem... Blog has a new face? Wow! That makes me have to 'learn' blogging again. That shows how long i haven't been blogging, I guess. Well to be honest, i even forget my own username & password!! *big guilty grin* So... To start where i stopped is like impossible :p and now I'm confused what to share,where to start :( Ok, about pregnancy... Well, I still dislike 'pregnancy'. The feeling of huge, bloated, sentimental, and the attention from all the people. Not to mention those caressing ur stomach, haha. On top of that, I was ugly with those pimples all over my face :( so, yeah.. Let's skip this part. Baby blues... Yeah I'm in! I tought all babies are angelic? Having a baby is the best feeling in the world? Your husband would look at you so tenderly, so lovingly and shower you with presents and love?? I tought it ws heaven??? But how come what I'm feeling is far from 'the best feeling in the world?' I had such a bad flu that I can't even hold my baby as long as I like?!! That caesar, I can hardly move! My breastmilk is not produced, yet! I insisted not to give Sarah anything but breastmilk. People kept questioning me, can breastfeed already? Has it comes out?? Don't use breastpump, use breastpump, use hand pump, use formula, bla bla bla and I'm stressed out. Baby is crying, she is hungry, I can't hold her. I forced myelf to move that it hurts. Now baby is screaming!! What to do?? She won't stop crying? I'm tired, i want to sleep!!! Rudy was busy! Can't really be with us 24/7. Reality bites.... And when I'm just starting to enjoy having that cute little pie, she was taken away again from me (a bit sentimantal) she got jaundice. The bilirubin was very high. It was 26. From a fair skinned baby, she turned so dark :'( I hated the hospital doctors that failed to notice sooner. I hated all of them to inject such a frail little baby's hand with needle. I hate the fact that she had to be away from us for more than a week. That week without Sarah, I cried so hard and so much. BUT, that moment also made me learn more about breastfeeding and made up my mind to start breastfeeding exclusively. All I do then was pump. And pump. And pump. I don't care I get a little, I pump. I was so determined. I felt like a cow, yes! But I couldn't care anymore. We kept sending the breastmilk to Sarah. I tought mine is not so bad. Quite ok. But when I saw another mommy send her breastmilk to the hospital for her jaundice baby, I felt heartbroken again. Mine is nothing compared to her.... Omg! When Sarah returned from the hospital, she got nipple confused. She doesn't want to breastfeed to me. She wanted bottle feeding. I kept trying to breastfeed her, but she would scream and cry. I felt so rejected. I was so frustated. So the battle with breastpumps and bottles kept going. If you ask me whether is tiring or not to keep pumping, i would answer VERY! I almost give up during the 4th month. Lucky for me, I had such a patient husband. He kept motivating me n help me in however he can. Yes. Having a baby is not 'that' fun. Along with the fun, comes big responsibilty. Ego n me time no longer come first. But YES! Having a baby is beautiful. The best feeling in the world. Cos' whenever you are down andtired, by looking at her smile, angelic face when she's asleep, touching that little fingers of hers and the feeling of loved by such an innocent being felt in heaven :)