heaven sent

3 years ago, I was engaged to X. why I broke up, it's because we no longer have the same vision ahead. the way we think and face problems are way too different and it seems hard for us to adjust. I also found him very manipulative and narrow-minded. But he sure has a very decent face which made me seems to be the bad guy.

why is he manipulative? well, first of all, he let me seems to be the bad guy. his parents thought there's a 3rd party. and accused rudy for it. why? because rudy is single and is my best friend. which made us quite close. and he lets his parents and also most people who know us think that way. but, he made my mom thought that the 3rd party was my ex that my mom doesn't approve of. but the real reason is not a 3rd party. there's no 3rd party. It's simply he's narrow minded. and I dun love him. I realised I never really love him. what I had back then was flattered, liking, but not chemistry. and so I was thinking what is wrong with us? why don't I want to be touch by him? why don't I really care if we're not together? I was thinking to postpone the wedding. never in my mind crossed to cancel the wedding. cos I thought, if u were meant to be, it's ok to postpone the wedding. u don't have to rush it. If you are afraid that the wedding is off, there must be something wrong on your relationship then. and he was afraid. he didn't want to postpone. the wedding has to go on.

It hit me hard. I realised our relationship is not strong. we can't force a wedding if the foundation is not strong enough.
After long argument, quarrels, fight, counselings, depression, lots and lots of tears, heartaches, we broke up.
In this small town, it became public consumption and people talk about it. hmm. and thanks to my not-decent face, and always-put-on-a-smile- face, people really believed that I was fine and we broke up because of a 3rd party. damn it!

Yes, I was hurt. and yes I was humiliated. yes, it broke my heart. yes, i was sad. I felt those,too. even if I was the one who decided to cancel off the wedding. but I'm just a girl. and those upset me, too.

thankfully, even most of my friends drew away (doesn't want to get involve, it's ok, I understand) but Rudy stay still. and there's one more special person who stay still by my side. her name is devi aka epinga =) I just can't thanks her enough for her friendship. She was the one who trust me. she was the one who always said ok whenever, wherever I 'kidnapped' her. At that time I almost always went out with rudy, epinga and another girl, siuling. So, what made epinga so special to me?

cos' she stayed still on my side even if most of her friends were on X side. She knew X too. but that didn't make her to avoid me. remember when I said people thought that Rudy was a 3rd party? yes, that made people think that rudy and I were just using epinga as our cover up. mean, huh?

Pi, thank you so much yah for the friendship. for your kindness, for your ears, for your trust and also for your time. It must be tough on you to trust us when people said we're using you. and I knew you were dissapointed in us, too, once (I know once, I don't know if there's more =p) when we finally really court. but once again, thanks for opening your heart one more time for us.

friends forever. love you much. Muach.